The Intersection of the Stay at Home Mom, Writing and Feminism
Friday, June 11, 2010
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work at home moms
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As a debater and citizen of the world, feminism was an unavoidable topic in college. I took my obligatory Women's Studies class, dismayed to find the rhetoric there to be a pile of disillusioned acquiescence to patriarchy combined with empty, ill-supported rages. I had grown up in a small, conservative, church heavy community. For so long, feminism, to me, was a dirty word, and it wasn't going to be easy for me to understand how the concept applied to me.
It took a long time, lots of reading and a healthy serving of real life for me to realize that these intense, inflated and often insipid characterizations of feminism were not what the movement is about. The bottom line is that feminism is about freedom of choice, regardless of gender. Freedom to use your body as you see fit. Freedom to believe in whatever God strikes your fancy. Freedom to love and be loved by the person of your choosing. Freedom to define yourself... or not. Freedom to pursue your passions in any form they may take. Freedom to be viewed as a person, and not a set of genitalia.
I have heard people try to more narrowly define the concept of feminism. Some have aruged that in order to be a feminist, you must reject marriage as a patriarchal institution. Some have argued that in order to be a feminist, you must hate men. Some have argued that you can be a feminist and still believe that women should be subservient to men. Some have argued that in order to be a feminist, the standards of the world must be altered to create equal access to all opportunities. You know what I say? Bullshit.
Feminism means that you can choose to have all or any of those viewpoints because it's your choice. It's your life. There is a difference between feminism and what certain pockets of people believe should shape the role of women in society. True feminists believe that a woman should be able to choose the path that's right for her, be that one of a stay at home mother of ten, or a single, high powered executive. There is no right way to be a feminist except to encourage a society that allows women to choose for themselves.
How does this apply to the world of writing? The fact of the matter is that freelance writing and web content development have a strong appeal to women, and especially those with families, due to its creative nature and flexibility in scheduling (not that men don't value those qualities as well). These writers have something more powerful than any weapon at the disposal of the militaries of the world: a voice, and a gift for broadcasting it. They are executing upon the tenets of true feminism every day that they put their hands to the keyboard and go after what they want. Disenfranchising these women by parametracizing them out of the conversation does nothing to foster healthy dialog and promotion of feminist ideas.
For all of you other write at home moms, I just wanted to take a moment to salute you for practicing your own form of feminism. For choosing to identify your voice and using it to pursue the things that are important to you. I just wanted to tell you that the word "feminist" is not a dirty one. It doesn't make you less of a mom or wife. It doesn't make you an extremist or man-hater. It makes you a strong woman who is unafraid of the terrifying process of self-discovery and development. It makes you a role model for your children... and everyone else, for that matter.
It took years for me to feel comfortable saying this, but I am a proud feminist. Are you?
Lauren,
This is by far the best write-up I've seen in years in support of feminism in all its many guises. Bravo to you for being open-minded enough to explore something that you were raised to believe was unappealing or wrong.
I applaud you for taking a stand in your own life to be who you want to be - in the order you want to be it.
I'm in the generation before you - and the one before me was the one that did all the heavy lifting in the later 20th century. I saw the toll some of the concepts you expressed (must hate men, do away with the tenets of marriage, etc.) took on women who were simply people who wanted the same things as men. Just because they wanted equal work and pay didn't necessarily mean they wanted to walk away from every social convention.
It irritates me to no end when I hear people refer to feminism as if it's a dirty word. It's not. And I'm proud to be one.
Thank you, Lizbeth, for your kind words. Feminism in its true form is accessible, as it should be. Taking pride in practicing your own feminism is the key to communicating that concept.
I was born in between. On one hand we had our stay at home Moms who made sure dinner was waiting when the family got home and on the other end we had women burning their bras wanting equal rights and equal pay.
It took a while to realize I could do both! Feminist all the way! :)
Sushiboofay- you bet you can have both! My dream is to raise my daughter so she learns this lesson early.